Saturday, September 25, 2010

Long-Time No-Blog! ;)

So guess what? I FINALLY GOT A JOB, after MONTHS of looking!!
And it's a great one- I get to work in an elementary school!
I'm a group leader for the second graders. This means I do a bunch of stuff with them after school- Like we do snack, movement/recess time, computers, homework, enrichment activities I get to plan, gym time... That sort of thing. I interviewed for it on Monday, and was hired on the spot. I 'officially' started on Tuesday, but that was just meeting with HR people for a few hours and getting fingerprinted etc.
Wednesday I shadowed someone & helped with her kids, and Thursday was.. well, an odd day. They didn't take into account that it was an early day (No school Friday), so it was kind of a mess that day.
On Monday, I'm going to be with my second graders by myself. I'm excited!

Also, I'm scared. No, not scared because of the kids or the responsibility.. I'm scared of the adults. I'm scared of doing things in the wrong order and getting in trouble.
The girl I shadowed wasn't helpful at ALL. I tried to ask questions and stuff, but she wouldn't really answer. She would answer with maybe a head nod/shake or a "Just whatever you think, I don't know."
It drove me crazy! I feel so incompetent now. I learned like nothing, and I'm expected to single-handedly do a bunch of things with a bunch of seven and eight year olds I've hardly met, all of whom, by the way, think it's hilarious to tell me rules that don't exist and remove the ones that do.
Yeah. Hilarious.  Let's make teacher freak! Baahaha. Kids are cute.

I'm SO scared of messing up though, guys!  Again, don't get me wrong- I'm absolutely amazing with kids, there's no doubt about it. I know I can do that, it's just my niche. No anxieties or anything.
Darn adults.. Haha. It's okay, though. I suppose anxieties are to be expected with this sort of thing.

Anyway, here's me at my first day of work at Jackson Elementary, getting ready to head in!

And this is the FRONT of Jackson Elementary- It's Rose Park area, as you can probably tell by how high-class it is! ;)  Lol. Kind of looks like an old office building or something, huh? Haha

In other news, I'm doing pretty well therapeutically and eating-wise.  I've been struggling for a while , but that's to be expected in recovery. The important thing is that I'm back on track! I'm working hard to be  okay! I've re-realized something recently:
Living life in darkness and agony- physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually... Being afraid of sleep because you're afraid that you literally won't wake up again.. being so engulfed in misery, you can't even leave your room.. The life of my ED just isn't the life I want anymore. Therefore, I'm refusing to live it. I'm ready to create my own life, away from that of my Eating Disorder.
I think I'm finally ready to live my life.