Sunday, February 21, 2010

Letter of Hope

This is my letter of hope- It's a letter we write to the present and future girls at CFC when we are leaving the Center. I just thought I'd share mine:

When I first began my journey at the Center, I was terrified, to say the least. I was afraid that they'd take away the only life I knew. I was afraid of failing. I was afraid of succeeding. I was afraid of the unknown.. And most of all, I was afraid that I'd never find myself again- that my soul had already died, and even if I tried my hardest, I'd still be powerless against this monster.

This is one of the things I had to learn for myself. Over time, I've come to realize that though sometimes it feels as if our very entity is wasting away, our souls are still stronger than we think. The worth and importance of us- of you, of your soul, is immeasurable.
And so it never dies.

When I look at each one of you, I see a perfect world shining your eyes. I only wish you could see it in yourselves, as well. If we only find the love within ourselves, then anywhere we go, we're home. Though sometimes it seems impossible to imagine, we CAN get through the darkness and find our way. Love will find a way. Happiness will find a way. Hope will find a way.

So, if you aren't happy with the direction you're going in, change the direction you're going in. If things aren't going the way you want, fight for the change you do want.

You are the one in charge of your own destiny. It's up to you to make the things happen in your life that you want to have happen. Happiness is found from within yourself and those choices that you make.

I've personally learned that if you aren't sure what to do, the best thing to do is to get down on your knees and ask for help. Your higher power is always there and willing to help, as long as you are willing to let him. (or her!)

It's tough, but with patience and a willingness to work, the pain will ease. I know each of us has endured many seemingly unfair trials and given more pain than we feel it possible to handle in our lives- but each one of us has remained standing strong through the storm. We don't always understand the why's, but with time- and if we are willing- we can learn from each one. If we choose to learn from those and hold on to those fond memories of the happy times in life, life will once again be all you can imagine and MORE.

So, if you're going to doubt something, doubt your limits.. Because you are truly limitless.

I have confidence in all of you and your capabilities, and I hope you can, too.

As I finish writing this, I realize that it's a bit scattered.. and that's okay. We aren't striving for perfection.. Just for love and hope that it will get better.

And it will.

♥ Mary Lynn Bennett

Monday, February 8, 2010

Center For Change!

So here it goes.. I replied to someone on a message board who was asking questions about the center, so I figured I'd post it here to let you know more about it!
So I'm answering questions here.. Stay with me! Loves!

I'm not sure exactly how many beds are on the units.. Maybe16 On IP? 16-20 on RTC? That's just my guess though. I just got out Jan 21st, so I'm trying to remember the # of rooms by counting in my head.. lol :)

I believe they have 6-12 IOP/Day treatment patients at a time, though I could be wrong. We didn't really work with them, just exchanged pleasantries in passing.

They have a lot of outings there. You can't go on phase 1, but once you get to phase 2 (Which takes a minimum of two weeks to get to), you get to go on an outing on Fridays and Saturdays- as well as church on Sundays if you want to. There are like 6 churches you can go to- but only one a week. So like one week it'll be catholic, the next week Methodist.. Etc.

When you reach phase two, you also go on a lunch outing with your dietitian- which is always a highlight! You get to choose anywhere you want and don't have to pay. It's great :) lol

Once you get to RTC, you get to on on outings Wednesdays and twice on Saturdays. If you want, you can also go to courage reins on Tuesday mornings- That's where you go and help physically disabled 2-3 year olds ride on horses!! It's SUCH an amazing experience.

When you get to phase 3 (On RTC), every other Monday you have the opportunity to go on the social outing- A bunch of you guys get to go shopping at the mall or wherever you guys want and get to go out to lunch together. It's so great!

There is also cooking class every Monday. It's pretty much genius.

The transitional is great- though I never had the opportunity to go through it. Some of the groups are w/ RTC girls, some aren't. It just all depends! They have a LOT more freedom and they are trusted. They also make their own meals more often, it's pretty helpful (So I hear!). I can't explain all that much about it though, as I never experienced that part.

When you are on Plated/100% you have to eat all of what you are GIVEN. You can't choose- though you can get extras if you wish. Then you get on Family Style, and you can serve yourself- but it has to be the first option. You can choose your sides and everything, but you still have to eat 100% of what you take. Then comes Advanced Family Style, where you can choose whatever you want- but still have to eat 100% of what you plate yourself.

After that comes intuitive- where you can get whatever you want, and eat until you feel satisfied. Of course they still record everything you eat, and your dietitian can take you off of intuitive if you aren't eating enough.

They do feeding tubes if you refuse boost twice. You can't really refuse the tube. They are very strict and make sure you get the best care you can and can actually recover. It's tough, but it works. If you are refusing medical treatment (the tube), they'll send you to the hospital or something. They can't be liable for you if you refuse medical treatment, ya know? Tough love- but you'll be grateful.

They deal with a lot of medical complications- after all, it's an EATING DISORDER clinic! Haha :)
What kind of medical complications do you mean? We had a girl with a brain tumor, I have epilepsy, a lot of girls have heart problems, I think one had diabetes.. And lactose-intolerance... There's prob. ore- so what kind of complications do you mean, if I may ask?

The therapy doesn't revolve around food at all. You and your dietitian work on food stuff together.. You and your therapist actually work on the real problems. The Eating Disorder is but a symptom. They help you recover from the actual problem- helping majorly to dissolve the Eating Disorder in doing so.

It's tough- you have to do actual work. But everyone is SO amazing there! You'll feel like you're home after being there for only a short time. It's such a soft and comforting environment. It truly is a place for hope and healing.The staff there is amazing, so tremendously helpful. They truly do care about you as an individual- as YOU.

..Anything else? I'd be glad to help in any way!!!/group.php?gid=266367132319&ref=ts

Thursday, February 4, 2010

The adventures of a girl in treatment

Guess who's finally back from CFC?
Yep- ME! Welcome home, Mary Lynn!!

So the Center was the most difficult experience of my life. I was pushed past my limits in almost every way imaginable- and broke down hysterically crying too many times to count.. I felt as if the world was going to end at points and was ready to throw in the towel. It was truly HELL at points.

The center was also the most wonderful & beneficial experience of my life. I have grown in so many ways- more than I thought imaginable! I feel like a brand new person. A healthy- and HAPPY Mary Lynn. The TRUE me. I have the world in front of me! I'm finally ready to truly LIVE!! Life is good to me. I'm ready for this.. BRING IT ON.