Sunday, January 25, 2009


Now this is what we call "CLUMSY", kids!

If you can't tell, I definitely dislocated my knee. Talk about OUCH.
..And now I'm stuck in THIS contraption for three weeks! Oh no!

Monday, January 19, 2009


I hate that I can't ever depend on my father. Then when I mention anything about it, he gets all pissed off and starts calling me a liar, then usually hangs up on me. It just makes me so mad. I love him, I want desperately to be able to trust him. He is the funniest guy I've ever met, and a REALLY good person. He just isn't dependable. He gets all pissed at me and says I just announce to the world that he is undependable. I have NEVER done such a thing. Except for NOW. Now I am blogging about it, but you aren't the world. My blog is for me. I write how I feel, and this is how I feel.
Sometimes I just wish I could know him better- After all, he is my father.
But then sometimes I just wish I never have to see him again, never have to put up with his crap again, never have to be disappointed by a father who just won't come through.
I feel distraught right now. I feel distraught whenever I think of him.
I love him with all of my heart, I think he is amazing, fun, and hilarious- but I can't possibly respect a man whom I would have cut out of my life long ago if he weren't in my family. I can't fully respect a man who takes his children wherever he wishes as if money is not an issue, and tells his children stories of how he is really a great person and how nothing is ever his fault, makes promises of visiting more, taking his children places THEY want to go, getting them birthday or christmas presents- then goes back to his real life with his new wife at the other side of the country and forgets the promises he's made or twists them- and can't even pay child support so his old family can just get by.
I wonder if I even really know the guy. After all, I know I change when I'm around him. I try not to, but I just can't be myself when I'm around him. I'm not sure I know him anymore.
I suppose I'm wishing for a perfect father, but then again I suppose everyone wishes they had a perfect father.
I know, I'm complaining. For this I apologize.
I'm just overly frustrated at this moment. No, at every moment.
I just need to take a chill pill.
..But It still makes me sad to think about..

Saturday, January 17, 2009

It's going to be alright after all.

I am so blessed to be able to be in this beautiful world God has created for us.
This wonderful world in which we can smile, laugh, play, & cry tears of joy- in which we can mourn, cry, hurt, get lost & stuck- yet we don't lose sight of the truth that everything will be alright. Some time, somehow, some way- It's going to be alright. We will get through it. It may take longer than we want, it may be in a different way than we had hoped- but all in all..
It's going to be alright.

The Glory of Life

I stole this from Shelly's Blog- Thanks, chika!

1. Put Your iTunes/Windows Media Player/ETC on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Put this on your journal or blog or whatevs.

1) If someone says, "Is this okay?" you say: "Let it be. "
2) How would you describe yourself? "Hero" (Wow, I think highly of myself!)
3) What do you like in a girl/guy? "Homeless" (Well HOPEFULLY not!)
4) How do you feel today? "Ordinary Day." (That works well.)
5) What is your life's purpose? "Don't let the sun go down on me" (Interesting.. ish)
6) What is your motto? "Dream Big" (You KNOW it!)
7) What do you friends think of you? "Calling you"
8) What do you think of your parents?"Moments.." (Well.. They DO have their moments!)
9) What do you think about very often? "States & Capitals" (..because I have it on my ipod for some reason..) :D
10) What is 2+2? "Everything."
11) What do you think of your best friend? "God only cries for the living" (oh how sad!)
12) What do you think of the person you like? "A woman's heart" ('s maybe?)
13) What is your life story? "Battle" (And don't I KNOW it!)
14) What do you want to be when you grow up? "Child of Light" (Wow. Definitely.)
15) What do you think of when you see the person you like? "Kiss me" (how absurdly appropriate.. lol)
16) What will you dance to at your wedding? "Call Me When You're Sober" (Sounds like SOMEBODY is going to need some counseling..)
17) What will they play at your funeral? "Follow the light" (AAHA! That is the funniest thing I've heard all day!!)
18) What is your hobby/interest? "Relaxation" (Well I do like to be able to relax now and then..)
19) What is your biggest fear? "I miss you" (Well I guess I'm scared of loved ones dying?)
20) What is your biggest secret? "He Came for Me" (Aww, that shouldn't be a secret!)
21) What do you think of your friends? "Walk tall, you're a daughter of God" (Lots of church music- only the best!)
22) What song would you play during your first kiss? "Why do birds suddenly appear.." (that works.. ish.)
23) What will you post this as?"The Glory of Life"
(That's a good title.)

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Dear God,

Dear God,
I feel so alone.
I feel invisible.
Abandoned. Cold. Afraid.

Dear God,
I am lost.
I am confused.
I am in a tunnel of darkness.
And I do not see the light.
The light you promised me

Dear God,
I am frozen with fear.
I am paralyzed in my steps.
I am a girl who cries
When all the world wants to see is a smile

Dear God,
I feel numb. Listless. Unaware.
All warmth has fled
And I chill to the bone.
..I feel so utterly alone.

Dear God,
My heart aches for love
The love I lack so much.
I feel empty inside
--a wide gaping hole--
..a void that waits to be filled.

Dear God,
I want my friends back.
I want my life back.
I want myself back again.
--The girl I once knew--
..She has long been forgotten.

Dear God,
I need rescue.
Perhaps your rescue is best
I need to be recaptured by this wonderful thing called

Dear God,
take me by the hand.
Carry me on your shoulders.
I know I have become too weak to do this on my own.
I need a friend. Please, God; be my friend.

Dear God,
I am at a loss of words now.
There's not much else for me to say.
My thoughts and feelings..
They have evaporated me now..
I'm tired and sick
and sick and tired of being sick.

Dear God,
I feel alone.
Perhaps a gentle reminder
From you that I am not..
Is well-needed now

Dear God.
Please help me.

"Have mercy upon me, oh Lord God, for I am in distress;
my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and my body with grief.
My life is consumed by anguish
and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction,
and my bones grow weak...
...I am a dread to my friends---
--those on the street flee form me.
I am forgotten by them as though I were dead;
I have become like broken pottery, a broken vessel
For I hear the slander of many;
there is terror on every side.....
...But I trust in You, oh Lord;
Thou art my God
My times are in thy hands.."

---Psalm 31:9-15--