Monday, July 30, 2007


I'm looking in my mirror
There's a girl in there tonight
Shes breaking apart so quickly
And nothing can make it alright

Her eyes are red and swollen
Mascara bleeding down her face
She'll never let them know
That shes feeling out of place

She asks
'Mirror, on the wall
Who is
The biggest fool of all'

Maybe it's the girl
Crying her life away
Or maybe its the boy
Who's mind has been lead astray

There's this girl in my mirror
With tears she can no longer hide
She can't pretend any longer
Because nothing is alright.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Youth Conference

I'm back from Youth Conference/ Camp!!
YAY! It was SO SO SO much fun!
Haha- so, we are almost there, and this huge truck/ trailer gets stuck three feet in the mud! Needless to say, we had to sit at a(n outdoor) rest stop for three & a half hours, in the BLAZING hot sun! Finally we get the okay to go, and we head up (in a different car, since the lady driving us decided to drop us off and leave :P), and the road still has some mudslide remains (There were like six of them). Also needless to say, the SUV we were in just about slid right off the canyon road.. twice!
So, we are ALMOST there, and it suddenly starts to rain. Did I say rain? I meant POUR!
Luckily, the guys that had gotten up there ahead of the truck had set up our tents for us (PHEW!)
... But that didn't help my poor pillow! It got SOAKED! Eeek!
So, that day was kinda shot... But it was such an adventure- I LOVED it!!
The next day went great! Got a little sunburned, but it was just a BLAST! I can't even TELL you the fun we had!
So, this morning, we're coming home, right? And this BEAR walks out, right in front of the car! It just walks across the road, and swings on the road's railing, on its way down. It was CRAZY! And so cute! It was a baby bear, maybe 4- 4 1/2 feet tall. LOVED it!

Any, that's the story! GOTTA love it!!

-Mary Lynn!!

The Son

There's so much that I think
And so much that I feel
It's hard to understand
How all of this is real.

A smile from every laugh
Yet a frown from every tear.
I don't know which I've benefited
From most this year.

There's been nights that I have mourned
Nights that I have cried
But the feelings that I've felt
These feelings deep inside,

They remind me who I am
And remind me why I fight.
For at the end of each dark tunnel
There is a light.

If I set aside my pain
And put aside my sorrow
There's a lesson to be learned
Which will help with life tomorrow.

There's always a battle to be fought,
And always a struggle to be won.
But if I turn to the light,
..I'll find it is The Son.

If I give Him my whole heart,
And reach with all my might,
He'll embrace me in His arms,
And forever hold me tight.

There's so much that I think,
And so much that I feel.
So I turn to He who loves me,
And know my happiness is real.

Now I know what I've benefited from most this year
It's the times that have been hard.
The times that without Him,
my life would have been left scarred.

I know His love is real.
I know His words are true.
And if you turn to Him,
He will gladly comfort you.

Monday, July 23, 2007

The Way Life is

Maybe I'll never know why..
Perhaps I'll never have the clarity to see..
Or the capability of understanding such things..
I might sit here crying now, unaware of the uncertainties.
How many times can a soul be broken..
Until it's rendered useless..
..'Til it has no more room to love and trust any longer?..
I may go on clinging to a hope that fails to even exist..
Maybe I can still hold on to a friendship I hold so dear..
..Though much time has been lost...
Why, oh why, does this sadness engulf me now, like a monsoon,..
..Drowning me beneath the bitter cold waters of loneliness?..
How will I ever comprehend the actions or thoughts or feeling of others..
..If I can't even recognize MY OWN?!..
When will this painstaking yet numbing sensation subside..
..And leave my side, so that I can bask in the rays of joy again?
Perhaps, inferiority, paranoia, & insecurity have taken a hold of me now..
What can I do when I'm left to underestimate the loved ones in my life..
..Who have all but seemingly put up the walls that sever our ties??..
Maybe, I'm being punished and subtly blamed for all the backs I have turned many a time before, myself.
How many times can I whisper and shout, before they just stop caring..
How long and how far can I go on trying to win them back and hold again, what we once had??
Well, I suppose God only knows..
..Perhaps... This is just the way life is..

Living Life

...I'm just a daughter of God simply trying to live this life He's blessed me with, to the fullest..... Some days i feel like I'm just making it by with what i have, surviving, existing..But then there are those days when i know there's a purpose to why I'm here..... Quite random and fickle, i like to find smiles and giggles in even the smallest of things..... Life's too short, and sometimes i forget that..... I don't follow status quo or the 'normal' life whatever normal is......Sometimes a wallflower, and then at times a social butterfly,....... I'll laugh or cry without notice........I long to love and be loved everyday even in the littlest ways.......I step each step of faith beside the one who LOVES me best, Jesus Christ... Just an average girl who evolves herself around different people, whether broken or mended... I can talk and read and write and pray with abandon, just because that's what i like to do... Friends have come and have gone away, and I've treasured the ones who've stuck by my side on my good days and in the rain... I enjoy long conversations over coffee and a newspaper... I never care if i get caught in the rain... I know God's transforming me into that beautiful butterfly, because right now I'm pretty much that caterpillar in its cocoon... I'm the girl who will think too much and just need to slow down and know that everything will be okay because God cares,
God is Love.

What is Happiness?

It has come to my awareness lately,
That I have forgotten what happiness is.
I have forgotten what it's like to smile in the midst of great pain and struggle...
I have forgotten how it feels to laugh in times that wouldn't normally call for laughter...
I have lost touch of those times I used to crack up laughing..
at the stupidest, silliest things that surrounded me...

And let it be known----I miss laughter.
I miss the smiles and the joy...
I reminisce on simpler times of childhood and the freedom I once truly felt..
I long for the days--again--to be the girl who was called the "class clown"..
and the "all-time goof ball"...
I don't know what happened to her...

Somehow, caught in the middle of an all-consuming eating disorder and the torment it has created,
I have stopped laughing..
stopped smiling--… TRULY smiling..
Have ceased to tell a good joke over McDonalds french fries with ketchup and a soda with friends...
-----Because, truth be known.. such things would only give panic attacks now..
..& I'll be darned if I get stuck in this torrential downpour any longer..
...Leaving me without room to breathe..
---And with room to LAUGH AGAIN..
So dang it.. Here I go again with the humor.

--contrary what others may say or think-- how it may look .. I WILL CHOOSE TO LAUGH---
--------------no matter how stupid I look &/or sound-------

I think sometimes doctors just need to STOP dispensing Rx's like freakin' candy..& start prescribing laughter.
THAT may just solve the worlds problems.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Mirror, Mirror

I look in the mirror, to see a false perception.
What have you done to me?
Beauty in the eye of the beholder..
Mirror Mirror...
You have broken me...
Crimson red finds a clear view.
A tale of a girl and her broken mirror...
Life beyond reflecting its hate.
Mirror Mirror...
My hate has escaped.
Crimson red covers me in despair...
What have you done to me?
My false perception has fooled the loved
And spoiled the hated.
Mirror Mirror...
I part to see my evil twin,
In which you have left me
To gaze upon for so long.
Mirror Mirror...
Your false perception has fooled me..
I was the wrong doer who found
Myself gazing at you from a new point of view.