The Way Life is

Maybe I'll never know why..
Perhaps I'll never have the clarity to see..
Or the capability of understanding such things..
I might sit here crying now, unaware of the uncertainties.
How many times can a soul be broken..
Until it's rendered useless..
..'Til it has no more room to love and trust any longer?..
I may go on clinging to a hope that fails to even exist..
Maybe I can still hold on to a friendship I hold so dear..
..Though much time has been lost...
Why, oh why, does this sadness engulf me now, like a monsoon,..
..Drowning me beneath the bitter cold waters of loneliness?..
How will I ever comprehend the actions or thoughts or feeling of others..
..If I can't even recognize MY OWN?!..
When will this painstaking yet numbing sensation subside..
..And leave my side, so that I can bask in the rays of joy again?
Perhaps, inferiority, paranoia, & insecurity have taken a hold of me now..
What can I do when I'm left to underestimate the loved ones in my life..
..Who have all but seemingly put up the walls that sever our ties??..
Maybe, I'm being punished and subtly blamed for all the backs I have turned many a time before, myself.
How many times can I whisper and shout, before they just stop caring..
How long and how far can I go on trying to win them back and hold again, what we once had??
Well, I suppose God only knows..
..Perhaps... This is just the way life is..