That I have forgotten what happiness is.
I have forgotten what it's like to smile in the midst of great pain and struggle...
I have forgotten how it feels to laugh in times that wouldn't normally call for laughter...
I have lost touch of those times I used to crack up laughing..
at the stupidest, silliest things that surrounded me...
And let it be known----I miss laughter.
I miss the smiles and the joy...
I reminisce on simpler times of childhood and the freedom I once truly felt..
I long for the days--again--to be the girl who was called the "class clown"..
and the "all-time goof ball"...
I don't know what happened to her...
Somehow, caught in the middle of an all-consuming eating disorder and the torment it has created,
I have stopped laughing..
stopped smiling--… TRULY smiling..
Have ceased to tell a good joke over McDonalds french fries with ketchup and a soda with friends...
-----Because, truth be known.. such things would only give panic attacks now..
...BUT I WANT THINGS TO BE DIFFERENT ...
..& I'll be darned if I get stuck in this torrential downpour any longer..
...Leaving me without room to breathe..
---And with room to LAUGH AGAIN..
So dang it.. Here I go again with the humor.
--contrary what others may say or think-- how it may look .. I WILL CHOOSE TO LAUGH---
--------------no matter how stupid I look &/or sound-------
I think sometimes doctors just need to STOP dispensing Rx's like freakin' candy..& start prescribing laughter.
THAT may just solve the worlds problems.
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