Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Starting up again

I feel like I need to start posting on here again, so I'm going to try starting up again.
I suppose I'll start with something I actually wrote down from a few months ago. The last half is something that's still difficult for me.
Here we go..

June 2014
So my mom just got married. I'm so super happy for her! She and Dave are SO perfect for each other!! I love that extra light in her eyes when she's with him. He really is a great guy, I'm so glad they found each other! My little sister Faith Anne and I helped my mom pick out her wedding dress a couple weeks ago. She's SO gorgeous in it! I mean, she's already an absolutely gorgeous woman, but WOW. Hot mamma!

  In related news, because of the marriage, my mother just sold her house- my childhood home. I have tears in my eyes just writing that sentence. I can't believe it. I'm so sick over this. I've always imagined living there with my own family some day. Watching my children learn and grow, making memories of their own where I once made mine. Running around the house, playing jailbreak outside, building cities in the sandbox, helping grow the garden, picking delicious grapes from the vines..

  Suddenly the images of my future life have been pulled right from under me. My most cherished place in the whole world is gone. The one place I've ever been able to truly call home, the place my heart has been for so many years, is gone. I have no home to go back to. I know it seems like an overreaction, but that's my home. I just can't believe it's gone. My dreams of a future, my memories of a wonderful past, have just come crashing down on me.

  Worse than that, it feels as if my mother is controlling the wrecking ball. I want to cry out to her, to let her know I'm in here, but she can't hear me. She's too busy using the wrecking ball with Dave. It's too loud. I'm trapped.