Monday, April 12, 2010

Three Years in the Making (& some good news!!)

  (Scratch that last post!!! Ed found a job, he's not going to move in with us, after all!! WAHOOO!! Oh, happy day!!!)


  In other news,  I think this whole "eating" thing is working well for me. I just feel so good about life!

  Here, we have a picture of me, a little less than three years ago. This was about four months before I was so engulfed in my ED that I was finally admitted into the ICU.  (Oops.)

  Now, notice the very puffy cheeks. Normally, you'd think someone with Anorexia would have a very sunken in face, right?   Wrong. Not if they throw up twenty times a day, even if all they've had is water. The stomach acids are very erosive, causing your cheeks to swell a lot.. It was all I could do to smile, and you can kinda tell. I also notice how colorless my eyes look..

This next photo was taken yesterday. My cheeks aren't puffy, as I haven't purged since I was barely admitted to CFC. Over all, I've been doing fairly well with eating, too. And guess what? I feel HAPPY now! My skin is brighter- and so much CLEARER! Granted, one pic is indoors, one is out.. But that's because I was too depressed to leave my room at all. Another difference! My hair is lighter, which happens when I'm eating healthier and am outside in the sun more! (My hair is SUPER sun-sensitive, and people who are malnourished's hair color quite often turns fades to something more dull)

  So, here's the difference three years and a bit of food and help makes (Do the scrolling from one to the next thing, you can really tell the difference!) :

This makes me feel good about all the work I've been doing. YAY for being the HEALTHY Mary Lynn!! I like her better, anyway. SO. THERE!! :D

PS- Neither of these pictures are edited.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Uncomfortable, to say the least

  So, there's this guy who I don't know very well. My mother is very good friends with him, and has been for a very long time!  Anyway, he's always given me the creeps. I don't know why, and I guess there's no valid reason for me feeling this way- but still, I always feel VERY uncomfortable around him. Luckily, it's very rare that I even see him. His name is Ed. No, I don't mean my Eating Disorder "Ed"- This one is a real dude. 

  Now, Ed is currently jobless. My mother talked to him, and.. He's going to be living with us now, for "at least a few months". IN. OUR. HOUSE.  I am NOT comfortable with this, I'm overflowing with anxiety, and I don't know what to do! I suppose there's nothing I CAN do, but that doesn't change my obviously messed up radar from going HAYWIRE on me! I just feel this fear I can't explain. I seriously have no reason to feel this way. I'm going crazy just thinking about it. I'm not okay with it, I wish someone could just understand the intense emotions I'm feeling, whether valid or not! Just UNDERSTAND that this is too much for me! I'm seriously starting to cry right now. I've never been a crier- but recently, I've gotten quite emotional over certain things.. I'm not sure why this is included in my emotional section, but it is. Why? I have no idea.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Good times, good times...

Tonight I've been playing scrabble with James. Playing Scrabble with the two of us always gets pretty interesting...

James: "Is 'zooerotica' a word? As in erotica, with animals? I'm going to Google it."

James (three minutes later): "Well, it's not a word, but there are PLENTY of websites for it..." :/


James: "What about '
queerotica'- is that a word? ... As in 'queer' and 'erotica'?"

MaryLynn: "...Go Google it."


Friday, April 9, 2010

New LIFE-SAVING methods!!!

     'Let's eat Grandma!!'


   'Let's eat, Grandma!'


  Punctuation saves lives.


**Please, warn your children about the dangers 
of improper grammar. Statistics show that the 
number of grammar-related deaths
this past year alone has been skyrocketing. 
Don't become a statistic.
Teach your  family. Teach your children. Save a life.
Together, we CAN make a difference!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

One week at a time..

I am having a really crappy week. First, my therapist, Ali, had her baby 3 weeks earlier than expected- which is totally great for her! A beautiful, healthy baby girl named Claire! I know- Precious!! However, for ME, this means that I no longer have a therapist. Like, AT ALL. IDK what I'm going to do, I'm supposed to be seeing one twice a week, not none 0 times a week. 'Fer Reelz.
Then, of course, today I lost my dietitian, Lauren. She won't see me anymore because I've lost weight the past few weeks- not meaningfully, though! So this week I kicked my own ass into gear and TOTALLY followed that meal plan! I did get my weight back to where Lauren isn't going to freak out... but that doesn't matter, Apparently, during the week, the OP Tx team had a meeting, and decided that I'm not good enough to be seeing Lauren, anymore. Lauren says she sees that I'm trying, and would love to continue seeing me, but it isn't her call. Who's call is it? A group of people who have never even SEEN me in their entire lives. SERIOUSLY?!!?!  Plus I've had a migraine headache for what has to be like a month or something by now,  And I'm pretty sure my mono has flared up again, so I'm going to the doctor tomorrow- orrr.. technically, today. I'm so tired ALL of the time. It's ridic! And I've had the hiccups for at least a week, now.. THAT'S not normal.. Silly, Mary Lynn-  Trix are for kids!  Also, as Ali is MIA for a while, Group has been moved to Wednesday nights.. Which I can't do.

So, to wrap it all up: No Therapist. No Dietitian. No more Tues night group. Having trouble gaining weight. Fate determined by strangers. Migraine headache for month+.  Hiccups for weeks. Can't stay awake- AKA can't function normally. Had a fever today. I'm kind of depressed now.. Oh, and for the grand finale- I can only chew on one side of my mouth, as I have to get a root canal soon. Oh, happy day...

Life is bliss.