A few weeks ago, I lost a dear friend of mine. Her name was Emily Elizabeth Roe. I miss her so much. She had such a beautiful spirit.. She would walk in the room, and you couldn't help but smile for her.. And now she's gone. She took her own life.
Why would she do that??? I would have been there for her, I would have stayed up all night and talked to her, I would have done ANYTHING for her, had I just known! I feel guilty for not seeing what she was going through, and not being there for her when she needed someone most. I feel sadness for the loss of such a beautiful soul. I feel ANGER for her leaving us like that..
And toward God. He took her from us. She just turned 23. She was too young to die. It wasn't supposed to be her time! It all seems so unreal. How could she just be GONE like that? In one instant, her life was tragically lost. The life of a girl who deserved so much more than that.. The life of a girl who could have changed the world.
I can't pray to God without crying in both sadness and anger. I can say "Dear Heavenly Father.." but that's the furthest I can get without bursting in tears of sadness and anger. My soul feels so empty. I'm working hard to pretend to be who I usually am around others, but I feel like a part of me has died inside. I keep feeling like I'm going to throw up from this knot in my stomach.
I don't know what to do. I'm stuck in the grief that's taken over. I haven't slept in a week, other than a couple of hour-long naps. I've been having trouble eating.. I just don't want food, I don't feel like it. I went to my dietitian yesterday, and she said I lost almost 3 lbs since last Thursday. I was doing so well, but.. I just don't know. I'm stuck.