A few weeks ago, I lost a dear friend of mine. Her name was Emily Elizabeth Roe. I miss her so much. She had such a beautiful spirit.. She would walk in the room, and you couldn't help but smile for her.. And now she's gone. She took her own life.
Why would she do that??? I would have been there for her, I would have stayed up all night and talked to her, I would have done ANYTHING for her, had I just known! I feel guilty for not seeing what she was going through, and not being there for her when she needed someone most. I feel sadness for the loss of such a beautiful soul. I feel ANGER for her leaving us like that..
And toward God. He took her from us. She just turned 23. She was too young to die. It wasn't supposed to be her time! It all seems so unreal. How could she just be GONE like that? In one instant, her life was tragically lost. The life of a girl who deserved so much more than that.. The life of a girl who could have changed the world.
I can't pray to God without crying in both sadness and anger. I can say "Dear Heavenly Father.." but that's the furthest I can get without bursting in tears of sadness and anger. My soul feels so empty. I'm working hard to pretend to be who I usually am around others, but I feel like a part of me has died inside. I keep feeling like I'm going to throw up from this knot in my stomach.
I don't know what to do. I'm stuck in the grief that's taken over. I haven't slept in a week, other than a couple of hour-long naps. I've been having trouble eating.. I just don't want food, I don't feel like it. I went to my dietitian yesterday, and she said I lost almost 3 lbs since last Thursday. I was doing so well, but.. I just don't know. I'm stuck.
Emily Elizabeth Roe
June 1988- Sep 2011
June 1988- Sep 2011
Posts
7 comments:
I stumbled across your blog, and i just wanted to say I am so very sorry about your friend. She sounds like she was a beautiful and will be greatly missed.
{{{Hugs}}}
Angela
Mary Lynn: It's too bad that she took her life. How could you have known unless you know all the signs. I hope you got in that group my friend is in. I'm very picky whose blogs I read but I really think you are great. I understand the not sleeping and eating Lyssie died oct 6 4.5. It doesn't seem real but you know what? I'm going to serve more kidos.You can't let the sorrow get to you. I was hoping that I could actually stop by my old school after to put smile on my face. The kids will keep you going. I need to write a huge post on her. Just hasn't hit yet. Hugs!
Why don't you go on my private blog? I invited you a very long time ago. You are like one of seven. Hugs
I'm so sorry marylynn. I am here if you need anything at all! Are you still going to the support group at CFC or LDS? I know things are so difficult but PLEASE don't let it push you backwards in recovery. You have come such a long way and have fought so hard to get to where you're at. Please take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself and reach out and let others help you and support you through this. Call or text me if you need anything, even if you just need to talk. Love ya!
You may not know me, but I knew emily from treatment. I just found out today. I am devastated. I lost a very close friend to suicide. You are not alone. Emily was a beautiful soul.
<3<3<3<3
I found your blog through the peter lewis movie on vimeo. My best childhood friend died when we were only 23. I miss him every day.
MaryLynn,
I knew Emily from her time in an eating disorder treatment center. My daughter was there at the same time. My wife and I got to know Emily and her parents in a family week there. You're so right about her brightening up a room. During our sessions, she was the 1st to support the other girls in her group, but when we attempted to point out her wonderful qualities, she just couldn't see it.
Emily and her family had tragedy with the death of her sister many years before. She was a wonderful young lady that, unfortunately, couldn't see in herself the things that were so obvious to everyone else that met her.
Hearing of her death brought me to tears. Finding out she took her own life caused me to drop to my knees and pray for each young lady that I met there. Her parents are still in my prayers every night.
Please understand that this was bigger than you and you couldn't see it coming. That seems to be the nature of this particular beast.
Your sentiments are honest and endearing. Please recognize the gift that you are to your family and friends. God loves you as do more people that you know. Emily loves you to, I'm sure.
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