Frustrations

I hate that I can't ever depend on my father. Then when I mention anything about it, he gets all pissed off and starts calling me a liar, then usually hangs up on me. It just makes me so mad. I love him, I want desperately to be able to trust him. He is the funniest guy I've ever met, and a REALLY good person. He just isn't dependable. He gets all pissed at me and says I just announce to the world that he is undependable. I have NEVER done such a thing. Except for NOW. Now I am blogging about it, but you aren't the world. My blog is for me. I write how I feel, and this is how I feel.
Sometimes I just wish I could know him better- After all, he is my father.
But then sometimes I just wish I never have to see him again, never have to put up with his crap again, never have to be disappointed by a father who just won't come through.
I feel distraught right now. I feel distraught whenever I think of him.
I love him with all of my heart, I think he is amazing, fun, and hilarious- but I can't possibly respect a man whom I would have cut out of my life long ago if he weren't in my family. I can't fully respect a man who takes his children wherever he wishes as if money is not an issue, and tells his children stories of how he is really a great person and how nothing is ever his fault, makes promises of visiting more, taking his children places THEY want to go, getting them birthday or christmas presents- then goes back to his real life with his new wife at the other side of the country and forgets the promises he's made or twists them- and can't even pay child support so his old family can just get by.
I wonder if I even really know the guy. After all, I know I change when I'm around him. I try not to, but I just can't be myself when I'm around him. I'm not sure I know him anymore.
I suppose I'm wishing for a perfect father, but then again I suppose everyone wishes they had a perfect father.
I know, I'm complaining. For this I apologize.
I'm just overly frustrated at this moment. No, at every moment.
I just need to take a chill pill.
..But It still makes me sad to think about..