As some of you may know, my friend Emily passed away recently. She was the sweetest girl you'd ever meet.
I didn't see it coming. None of us did. She seemed so happy and healthy. Then she was gone. She took her own life, and no one even saw how badly she was hurting.
I wish I did.
Why does God take people away so quickly? You blink your eyes, and suddenly they're gone. It just doesn't seem fair. I feel as if it's a cruel game God loves to play. And even though I know that's not true, a part of me still wonders. Why would he take someone when their life is still just beginning? I mean, she was 23. She never even got a chance to really start her life. She had so much going on for her, such a bright future it was almost blinding. Her life was taken so quickly.. This was not how it was supposed to happen.
I just don't understand.. I know, no one does, blah blah.. I wish we could, though. I feel as if it's like we're in a maze, trying to find our way.. and then something so big happens so quickly, and it's like we're all just plucked up and put somewhere else in the maze, blindfolded and spinning. Left to start all over again. We lose our way. We are left dumbfounded.
I just don't know what to think, what to do. I seem to be feeling just about every emotion there IS, I just don't know what to do with it all.
She died because she killed herself.. So what happens to her? Where does she go?
She was SUCH a good person. Always so kind to EVERYONE, loving, generous, funny.. Really, a great person all around.
So does she just fall through the cracks? After all, suicide is a sin.. right?
I suppose, though, that there are no cracks in God's plan. That would make it less than perfect. God does not make flaws, God does not make mistakes. Yet I'm still left wondering..
"Everyone goes when they are ready". I've heard this said before, many a time... but how can a 23 year old be ready to finish her life? How can someone, anyone, be truly READY to die?
A very intelligent woman told me this once: "We mourn mostly for ourselves, because of the loss we have felt."
I guess that's true. Mostly, at least.
We don't mourn for them so much as we'd like to think, do we?
We know they are in a better place. We know they are going to be okay (or we hope, at least). We just don't want to lose them, I guess. We miss them. We wish they could have had all the greatness and success in life we knew they could have had. We wish we could have seen them mature more & more, change, become a parent perhaps.. experience LIFE.
But truly, this is no longer possible. All we are doing is filling ourselves with the empty hope of what could have been.
I think a lot of it is that we are somewhat forced to face our own mortality. We are left with questions, some that truly only God himself can answer. It makes us feel sad because we know that EVERYONE must leave this earth and go into the unknown.
THAT is scary.
More than anything though... I really just miss her. I want her back. I know it sounds selfish, but really, I just don't care. I just wish I could have at least said goodbye.
Is it so bad to want someone back? Because I do, with all my heart. I miss her so much. I know she is in a better place, but I just want to hold he in my arms and hug her one last time, if only for a moment.
Just one last goodbye.
I didn't see it coming. None of us did. She seemed so happy and healthy. Then she was gone. She took her own life, and no one even saw how badly she was hurting.
I wish I did.
Why does God take people away so quickly? You blink your eyes, and suddenly they're gone. It just doesn't seem fair. I feel as if it's a cruel game God loves to play. And even though I know that's not true, a part of me still wonders. Why would he take someone when their life is still just beginning? I mean, she was 23. She never even got a chance to really start her life. She had so much going on for her, such a bright future it was almost blinding. Her life was taken so quickly.. This was not how it was supposed to happen.
I just don't understand.. I know, no one does, blah blah.. I wish we could, though. I feel as if it's like we're in a maze, trying to find our way.. and then something so big happens so quickly, and it's like we're all just plucked up and put somewhere else in the maze, blindfolded and spinning. Left to start all over again. We lose our way. We are left dumbfounded.
I just don't know what to think, what to do. I seem to be feeling just about every emotion there IS, I just don't know what to do with it all.
She died because she killed herself.. So what happens to her? Where does she go?
She was SUCH a good person. Always so kind to EVERYONE, loving, generous, funny.. Really, a great person all around.
So does she just fall through the cracks? After all, suicide is a sin.. right?
I suppose, though, that there are no cracks in God's plan. That would make it less than perfect. God does not make flaws, God does not make mistakes. Yet I'm still left wondering..
"Everyone goes when they are ready". I've heard this said before, many a time... but how can a 23 year old be ready to finish her life? How can someone, anyone, be truly READY to die?
A very intelligent woman told me this once: "We mourn mostly for ourselves, because of the loss we have felt."
I guess that's true. Mostly, at least.
We don't mourn for them so much as we'd like to think, do we?
We know they are in a better place. We know they are going to be okay (or we hope, at least). We just don't want to lose them, I guess. We miss them. We wish they could have had all the greatness and success in life we knew they could have had. We wish we could have seen them mature more & more, change, become a parent perhaps.. experience LIFE.
But truly, this is no longer possible. All we are doing is filling ourselves with the empty hope of what could have been.
I think a lot of it is that we are somewhat forced to face our own mortality. We are left with questions, some that truly only God himself can answer. It makes us feel sad because we know that EVERYONE must leave this earth and go into the unknown.
THAT is scary.
More than anything though... I really just miss her. I want her back. I know it sounds selfish, but really, I just don't care. I just wish I could have at least said goodbye.
Is it so bad to want someone back? Because I do, with all my heart. I miss her so much. I know she is in a better place, but I just want to hold he in my arms and hug her one last time, if only for a moment.
Just one last goodbye.
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