Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Journal

    Nov 4, 2009
-Inpatient at CFC-

I sit on the couch and ponder. I feel sad today, scared of what the future holds.
I'm uncertain of who I am, of what I need to survive.

Sometimes I'm okay, but more often I'm not.
Even though he's gone now,
the memories are stuck with me-
controlling my head, my thoughts, my life.
Do I know who I am anymore?
I've always been the girl with the smile, the girl joking around and laughing.
But none of it seems real now. I just feel like that scared little girl I see so clearly in my mind. I want to break free, I want to just be ME.
..But how is this possible when I'm in that fear?

I can't ever sleep at night. I'm afraid of the dreams that come. This is killing me. I don't know what to do, what to say. I've asked one too many times.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

How sad yet true these words are. I can relate to the fear of that place many of us were lost in. Today is a new day friend. And I hope you are able to have a much clearer vision of where life is going.

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